An Open Letter


Dear Mouse Living Under our Cupboard:

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT!

Thank you, I would appreciate if you would respond rapidly by entering one of the many traps I have set out for you.  No, I honestly don’t know if they are live traps or not, nor do I really care.  My compassion and humanity goes out the door when it comes to rodents.  However, I did put tasty peanut butter in there for you, which I am sure, should the trap not kill you immidiatly, will sustain you as a tasty morsel until I am able to relocate you to a more appropriate location*.  I would also like you to note the cat which inhabits our apartment, and while he seems unable to catch his own tail, has be come very adept at catching other things.  True, his largest kill to date is a large cricket, but he has put on a couple pounds since then and is looking lean and ferocious.  You will also note we have removed anything that can possible be conceived of as food from your reach.  This leaves you three options, enter the trap and possibly die, leave and never return, or starve to death.  I would prefer if you did not choose the later, as I am sure your rotting corpse will not smell nicely.  I hope you can understand my position, and should a resolution not be reached soon, I may have to call in assistance.**

Sincerly,

Your Humble Narrator

*The farthest place from here I can find.

**Billy the exterminator?

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~ by epiphron13 on September 8, 2010.

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