About 5 this morning, a fight started.  How does a fight start at 5 in the morning one asks?  Well, I will tell you how a fight starts.  Shithead decided he wanted to go to the other side of the bedroom this morning.  He was feeling especially spry, and decided rather than walk around the bed, like a civilized kitty would do, he would jump on the bed and go over, bounding over both Pam and I.  Pam, being sort of asleep, felt the cat’s feet hit her throat and grabbed him and threw him.  Not extremely hard, but with enough force that he hit the wall.  I am absolutely positive that she didn’t mean for him to hit the wall, but it scared the shit out of Shithead.  I went and checked on him, and was rather peeved Pam would do that, even unintentionally.  Later, I called her out on it.  She was upset and hasn’t talked to me since*.  Now there are two different issues in place here which I will address separately.

The first is how she treated the cat.  The cat did something stupid, he should have not been a dick and stepped on her throat, but that doesn’t make what Pam did right either.  Cats will be dicks, it happens, she needs to control her anger, and how she lets it out.  What if that would have been our child who jumped her on her in the middle of the night?  Why should I think she would handle that situation any better than she did with the cat?  The fact that she didn’t mean to doesn’t make it ok either, she could have severely injured the cat.  In general she needs to establish an outlet for her anger, she has trouble misplacing it.  She isn’t violent, but when she has a bad day at work, she comes home in a bad mood and takes it out on me, which is unacceptable.  I am not entirely sure how well this conversation will blow over when she gets home but it needs to be said.


The second issue is how she handled me calling her out on it.  She gets mad at me for calling her out, which isn’t fair.  She messed up, I called her out, I expect her to do the same to me.  I realize she felt bad about Shithead already, but I need to impress upon her exactly how severe this is, and we need to talk about.  Whenever I confront her, or call her out, she gets really upset and won’t talk to me, she makes me feel like it was my fault, like I did something wrong.  So then whatever issue started the conflict just gets forgotten and washed under the rug.  We will never survive as a couple without appropriate conflict resolution.

Now for a resolution, how do we address these issues without her shutting down.  I need to communicate with her how I feel, why I am upset, and why this is important to me, and she never lets me do that.  Perhaps I will write her a letter, and leave it in the car for her at work.  That way I can clearly articulate my thoughts, and she can get them all, and then when she is ready we can talk.

*Approximately 3 hours.


~ by epiphron13 on August 29, 2011.

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